Regulator Gazette
August 11, 1897
Headline: Marshall Earp ambushed at barber shop.....
Marshall Earp had just settled down in the barber chair to have
the oil changed on his handlebar mustache when a shot came through the shop
window. He quickly noticed two of the lesser known Clanton brothers Tyronne
and Leroy and friends were preparing to do him in. He jumped up from the
chair with the barber cape still around him and proceeded to polish off the
gang with two blasts from his trusty scatter gun followed by ten pistol rounds
and five rifle rounds. The Marshall has an appointment with the
remaining Clanton brothers tomorrow at the OK Corral to discuss funeral
arrangements for the deceased.
Headline: Fort Lumbee Attacked by Indians.....Fort Saved
by School Marm...
General Custer and troops left Fort Lumbee unguarded to go
check on a small problem with indians at the Little Big Horn.
School Marm Miss Barb Wire was holding class at the Fort
school. She had just started teaching the Four "R's" (Reading,
Riding, Roping, and Regulating) when she noticed Little Johnson (Big Johnson's
son) getting excited by something he saw while staring out the window.
She proceeded over to young Johnson and asked "What is your major
malfunction Johnson". She glanced out the window and yelled
"Indians!!!!!!!". She took control of the situation pulled her
shotgun, two pistols, and rifle from her desk and ran to the various firing
ports in the Fort wall and proceeded to send the raiding party to the Happy
Hunting Grounds. She then ran outside the Fort walls, loaded an
extra round in her rifle and shot the chief off his horse at a distance
of at least one half a mile (the writer has been known to exaggerate
measurements). It is expected that she will receive a commendation from
General Custer when he returns.
Headline: Regulator Buffalo Hunt a Success.....
The Regulator Posse rode out to the running buffalo range to
stock up on buffalo steaks for the winter. They gave the buffalo a
sporting chance by shooting them first with the pistol and then with the
rifle. The top meat getter was Dick W. Holliday followed by Roberdale
and Gunsmoke. The new school marm Barb Wire set a new record for the
cowgirls (I ain't saying what kind of record). Congratulations to
Roberdale since this was his first American buffalo shooting experience (i
understand however that he has given them a fit over on the Dark Continent).
Recap of the shooters in order of finish was:
Flight one: Dick W. Holliday, Gunsmoke, Little Mix
Flight Two: Slick Vic, Heck No, Jeff Two Gun
Seniors: Roberdale, Idaho Spud, Tom Two Times, Doc Clock
CowGirls: Barb Wire
The August match was a lot of fun and i am amazed that no one
shot a hole in the Barbers cape (Provided by Pennys Hair Salon). We still
had a few moments that the shooters would prefer not to remember-one was when
Jeff Two Guns revolver ended up on the ground rather than in his holster and
the other was Barb Wire setting a new record in the running buffalo shoot (i
still ain't saying what kind of record)....Oops just remembered another-Carl
Busick alias The Frito Bandito stopped by to help shoot buffalo and was
sidetracked when his pistol fell apart (Them Rugers ain't supposed to do
that).
The September Posse will form up on The last Saturday of
September so if you want to come and play with us just show up with what
you've got and we'll try to help with what you don't have. The newest
member of the posse "Heck No" showed up and we got him going and I
think he had a good time. We will try to do away with any excuse
you may have for not showing up. So if you want to have a good time-come
on out.......We still need some cowgirls and junior shooters so in the words
of that old writer....Take a kid shooting........Respectfully
submitted.......Louis LaManure
Back
/ Home