Regulator Gazette

                          july 28, 1897

 

Headline--Reverend Goode Creates log jam at Pearlie Gates

 

The Reverend U.B. Goode was taking his dog Spot for his nightly constitutional when he happened to walk past the Better Times Saloon.  He was upset by all the lewd and lascivious activities he heard going on inside.  He tied Spot to the front door and entered the saloon and in order to get everybodies undivided attention he blasted two whiskey bottles off the bar with his trusty scatter gun...After getting every bodies attention, he announced for everyone to  "Repent or meet your maker"... He did not any "Amens" from the patrons so in Reverend Goode style he flipped over a gambling table- produced two revolvers and  proceeded to send Ten sinners to meet Saint Peter and be judged.   Sheriff Holliday pronounced the shootings as self defense...

 

Headline--Singing Bob ambushed at Cactus Gulch--

Singing Bob (You know him from Trane Air conditioning commercials) was on his way home from serenading Sweet Sue.  He was riding his horse Daisy and had just started the first verse of "Home on the Range" when a bullet whizzed by his head.  He realized at that point that he was being dry gulched by the Mix Gang.  He jumped off Daisy and pulled his shotgun and took care of the two closest Mix boys (I forgot to say that Singing Bob doesn't go anywhere without his baby blue banjo-so all shooting was done with the bango in playing position).  Bob then ran over to a cactus and proceeded to polish off the remaining Mix boys from around the arms of the cactus with ten rifle and ten pistol rounds.

 

Moments that you try to forget from the match: Gunsmoke (a recent drop out from the Holliday School of Reloading and Hairdressing) continues to find shells with no powder in them and also managed to kill a Buzzard while shooting a shotgun stage when his gun accidentally discharged in the air while loading a shell in his "97". The posse has advised him to enroll in the Holliday School of Safe Gun Handling and Mortuary Science (The two can be related) .....Our new chuck wagon driver and cook Wishbone (Jerry Rouse) learned the hard way that you do not buy a used pump shotgun and take it to a Cowboy Match to try it out (It wouldn't shoot)......Dick W. Holliday (The Stage designer) forgot the shooting order of his own stage and was awarded several misses and proceedurals.

 

We awarded shooters in three classes as before--the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.  First flight ranking was Holliday, Gunsmoke, Jon Mix, and Duplin Kid....Second Flight was led by Jeff Two Guns, Cherokee Lou, and Wishbone.....Seniors were led by Idaho Spud, Roberdale,Doc Clock, and Tom Two Times........Jeff Two Guns a Junior shooter was awarded a pocket knife for winning his flight and was advised by Sheriff Holliday not to take it to Science class with him.....

 

 

Everyone had a good time (even if there were no cowgirls present)...This was the first match that required some singing and banjo playing....Prematch refreshments were provided by Mrs Tom Two Times and were enjoyed by all....A big Regulator "Thank You" goes out to her for her efforts.....Now that we have a new chuck wagon driver and cook "Wishbone" he may help in that department...As always equipment was traded around so everybody had what they needed to shoot.  So if you're short something and want to play with us just come out with what you have and we'll try to help with the rest. We always welcome Junior shooters (We need to give Jeff Two Guns some competition) so in the words of that not so famous Cowboy Shooter........."Take a kid shooting"......Respectfully submitted.....Ned Bluntline